Now, more than ever, it is important to have a good network of friends and family you can rely on in a time of crisis. That crisis may be a health issue that only affects your immediate family and friends or a natural or man-made disaster that is encompassing a large portion of the community. The saying goes that you can pick your nose or pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. Our own immediate family members are over 500 miles away and elderly, and have some minor health issues. They would do their best to support us in a crisis but it would be from a distance. We couldn’t pick better family members than Mom and Bob and would do anything for them. Choose wisely who you allow into your life and family.
Choosing good friends is critical. Let me tell you what happened in our neck of the woods to several people we know. A very charismatic man moved into the next town, about 12 years ago. He began to gather folks by merely chatting with anyone in line at the grocery store, hardware store or post office. He would then start complaining about current affairs and government and see what reaction he got. If it was favorable to his views, then the conversation continued and an invite to discuss solutions further was offered.
He managed to get quite a few followers. They would meet several times a week at this man’s home, which was very rural. He started setting up a paramilitary-type group with training sessions and apocalyptic scenarios. He lived on a dirt, shortcut road that we used to take periodically and we would see his “team” in camo with guns crawling through farm fields and playing G.I. Joe. He had his group members believing that they would be responsible for law and order and the rebuilding of society in the event of a collapse. He collected lists of all the team members’ assets…..food, firearms, ammo, and vehicles. He met with the county sheriff and let the sheriff know that his “team” would help them if needed during an emergency. He then supplied the sheriff with the list of everyone’s assets. He did the same thing with the state police and the local FBI. After turning over everyone’s private information to local and federal authorities, the gentleman and his wife just disappeared like dust in the wind. The faithful “team” showed up for a weekly meeting and found nothing but dust bunnies in his previously rented home. They then realized they had been duped and now all their private information had been given over to authorities.
I was shocked at some of the people who had hooked up with this clown. These were solid, level-headed folks you would have thought would know better. My husband had met this man once and got bad vibes from him. Although we were invited to join his “team”, we declined. He was very persuasive and charismatic in a Jim Jones kind of way. Follow your instincts. I suspect this man and many others are working for some three-etter agency and are gathering information on groups or militias out there all of the country. This group fell apart and friendships broke up. The group trusted this man only to find out he had ulterior motives and was a turncoat or spy. Good friends turned on each other, blaming one another but I suspect most people were just plain embarrassed at being hoodwinked.
This is why it is important to choose your friends wisely. Just because you have 200 social media friends who thumbs up your posts daily does not mean you have rich relationships with these folks. They are cyber friends, not real people. The cyber friends are not showing up to help you in a crisis.
Your best friend was not your best friend immediately. When you first start hanging out with new people and are working on building up a friendship, it’s so easy spill information that could come back and bite you later. Use caution and common sense when meeting with new friends. Are they really interested in you and your hobbies or are they gathering info? It may be tough to distinguish the intent. If they are truly interested in you and your friendship, the relationship will progress and trust will be gained. You can’t trust someone with your life if you hardly know them. A good relationship is an investment that takes time to build and grow. Relationships must be tended to and nurtured and fertilized ( as I am a gardener I tend to think in plant terms.)
When meeting new people, like at church or a workplace and it seems like you would like to know them better, meet somewhere other than your home for the first few outings. If a person insists on meeting at your home instead of a public place, like a restaurant or a park, then be cautious. Once you let someone in your home, they can see some of what you own, get to know your dog, and see what type of security measures you have in place. If they are wolves in sheep’s clothing, you may be a target down the road. A person may want to use you as a stepping stone to meet someone else you know. If they are not upfront about their goals, they are using you and not trustworthy. Sometimes what may seem like the possibility of a great friendship fizzles out after a few get-togethers. This is common. You may not have as much in common as you first thought or perhaps their morals and values don’t align with yours and your families. It is especially important to be cautious with new relationships if you have children. One family we are close with waited several months before introducing us to their children. After a decade of friendship and watching those kids grow up and being involved in their lives, I refer to them as “my kids.” My husband and I would walk on hot coals for those two children who are now young adults.
Close friends are people and family that you can count on in any situation. As I previously mentioned, our family is elderly and have some health issues but would do whatever they could to help us if we needed it. Our best friends, J & D, live approximately 1.15 hours from us. We have known them for almost 30 years. We would drop everything we are doing and leave to help them immediately if they called for help, as they would do the same for us. The hope is that whatever crisis is unfolding that they will be okay until we get there and vice versa. We have other good friends close by, about 7 miles away and they can be counted on also during an emergency. The problem in a rural community is sometimes good people aren’t close by if you need them immediately. We have a couple of friends/close acquaintances within a mile that we could probably rely on. There are two individuals that come to mind and one is older and the other one has major health issues.
Close friends are the ones who will help you bury the intruder you just shot with no questions asked. They will then help you clean the blood off the floor and spackle and repaint if necessary. The close friends are the folks you trust with your life. They will be there through thick and thin. I lost a good friend to cancer earlier this year. So many people who seemed like good friends disappeared when things got messy towards the end. I don’t know what their reasons were but I know it caused additional pain to my friend. If you can’t bear the idea of seeing that person get really bad towards the end of their life, be honest with them instead of leaving them wondering what happened. When things get ugly, that separates the really close friends from everyone else. Pray daily for your close friends.
Good friends are the ones who you see on occasions but you can rely on for some help if necessary and vice versa. We have many good friends and enjoy get-togethers often with them. They know they can rely on us if ever needed and we feel we can rely on them also. Pray daily for your good friends.
Acquaintances are people you see on occasions, like at the grocery store, and you may stop and chat for a while and catch up. There is no emotional attachment to acquaintances. Sometimes acquaintances can develop into good friendships and some friendships devolve into acquaintances. You can’t be friends with everybody! If someone seems too friendly, beware of ulterior motives. If your “spidey sense” tingles when you meet a new person, pay attention to those feelings. If your spouse has “off” feelings about an acquaintance of yours, listen to your spouse. There have only been three people in the course of our 28-year marriage who triggered me to tell my husband that I did not wish to associate with them. Those three individuals did not do anything overtly obvious to make me feel cautious around them, it was just that they made me uncomfortable. I have learned to pay attention to those vibes. I would never let myself be alone with anyone of these three individuals. Fortunately, they are not in our lives now.
Some friends are just plain needy and will suck the life out of you if they are allowed to. You may need to keep them at arm’s length for your own sanity. Set a limit to how much “help” you will provide and stick to it. If it seems like you are being used constantly, it’s time to reevaluate that friendship.
We have just started getting to know another couple over the past nine months and I am very unsure of how the relationship may progress. They are lovely people but the wife is very emotional and starts crying frequently when telling a story or listening to a story. I am getting the “high maintenance” vibe and really don’t know if I want to get involved further at this point. This could be a relationship where I get the life sucked out of me on a daily basis and I really don’t want that at this point in my life. Time will tell where this will go but due to a family crisis on my end which lasted six months and their own business issues, we have not been able to get together. Maybe when their business issues settle down and we can connect again, the wife may be on more stable ground emotionally. I feel bad that I feel this way about them as they really are nice people.
Meeting people, especially when you are older, may be difficult. Church and community organizations are good places to meet people. It is important for your emotional and mental health to have friends. Think back to when you were a kid. There was always some neighborhood crank who lived alone and kept to themselves. The key point here is they kept to themselves. Perhaps if someone took time to visit them and show kindness they may have been nicer to others. Solitude is necessary at times, but too much solitude is not healthy. The isolation forced on us from the Covid crap really harmed children the most. It also took its toll on adults. My husband and I did not realize how much we would miss not seeing our friends during the lockdown. After a month of just us and the dogs, we said to heck with all this and resumed normal relationships with our friends. We all came to the same conclusion, the isolation was not worth it. Human beings are meant to be social creatures.
No man is an island! Even if you love solitude (like I do), it is important to get out and talk to someone besides dogs, chickens, and plants. It’s always good to learn other’s perspectives and opinions on projects we are doing, decisions we need to make, or just general conversation. So value the close relationships you have and make efforts to be kind to strangers. You never know, they may become good friends in the future.