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Ask yourself this question:  “Do I really think I could use deadly force against someone to protect my family?”  Most, (if not all reading this) quickly respond with a resounding YES!  In fact, you may even have fantasized about scenarios where that might happen; usually in the context of “what would I do if…”   One has to plan for every contingency, right?
The thing is, these fantasies are usually on the same level as a Hollywood movie—contain some sense of bravado—and almost always leave you feeling like somewhat of a hero.  There are those who are unnerved about this and find themselves with a slightly different feeling in the end, but in my experience those who fall into the category of “preppers” or “survivalists” are of the mindset that protecting their families is a no-brainer and very straight forward… “Bang.”

First, let me preface the remainder of this article with a simple statement:  This is not about gun control, it’s not about teaching you to be a trained killer, and it’s certainly not about advocating a position of appeasement.  It’s about Resolve.  It’s about getting Resolve. And, it’s about when you need to acquire Resolve.  I’m making this statement because I don’t want you to have a predetermination about where the article is going before you finish…or don’t finish, as the case might be.  Please be patient and open-minded—it could save your life, someone else’s life…and your sanity.

The Advent of PTSD
PTSD—Post Traumatic Stress Disorder—I am amazed with all the attention surrounding this newly termed ‘disorder.’  In World War II they called it “shell shock.”  In Special Ops, we didn’t have a title for it…well, beyond “the thousand yard stare” anyway.  There were those that displayed these characteristics, but not like today.  I believe it to be much more prevalent than when I was active duty.  Of course, just having a name to attach to it can make this so, thus making it easier to ‘diagnose’ and assign treatment…as well as create more popularity.  One could argue that the today’s victims have more damaging exposure than previous generations or they have experienced carnage on a level not seen before.  However, a brief review of world history will quickly debunk that position. 

I am not a licensed psychologist and I don’t fault the discovery of PTSD or even most of the treatments used, but what I do have issue with is the focus. It seems to be more about treating the symptoms, less on treating the problem, and virtually nothing to prevent the problem.  How do you prevent PTSD? I have a theory of my own…and it starts with Resolve.

I have had a full military career; the last 11 years were in Special Operations.  We were always busy; not just in the Middle East, but in many other places doing things you won’t read about.  In addition to my own experiences, I’ve had many discussions with veteran colleagues about their experiences as well.  Most of the conversations started with PTSD and the affect, if any, it had on us.  Most of us agreed that we were changed by our experiences, but thought just the military lifestyle alone would have accomplished significant change.  What I found common to this group of friends was that none of them had any issues associated with moderate to severe PTSD.  Most didn’t feel they had any symptoms.  All had effectively used deadly force and seen the results.  All had lost friends or colleagues and experienced the associated grief.  Most had witnessed atrocity.  So, what did this group have in common that helped them avoid PTSD?  All are Christian for one, which I think is key, but not necessarily a guarantee because it’s closely related to the second attribute, which is—you guessed it—Resolve.

I thought about writing a book for young warriors entering the fray, in hopes it could make a difference.  But, raising a family of six kind of got in the way and my focus was diverted…until my youngest son entered his senior year in high school and hadn’t shed the childhood dream of following in the ‘old man’s footsteps.’  Needless to say, my motivation to convey helpful or antidotal information to my son and others has changed significantly.  And so, I write.

I do not mean to trivialize PTSD or suggest those afflicted with it are weak, fakers, or need to just “suck it up.”  Nor do I intend to demonstrate they are any less the heroes we know them to be for defending our nation.  They are not failures.  They are the best we can ever hope to be and need to be treated as such for contributions that are essentially priceless.  For this, we should do all we can and provide all we can to make them healthy again—this owed for a debt we can never repay.

However, treatment is no match for prevention and preparation—and I’m not talking about false bravado or getting jacked up on “hooyah’s” before battle.  That will fail you every time!  It’s the first thing stripped of you when the SHTF.  Yet, it’s always encouraged by leaders who know no better because that’s what they were taught to do.   How else do you get someone to ‘charge that hill?’  All the fantasies of being the hero are ripped from your mind like a whirlwind.  Without bravado, without fantasy—and most importantly, without Resolve—you stand naked before the scariest scenarios of your life.  First it seems surreal, but it quickly becomes reality when death and atrocity confront you face to face.
 
You’ve picked up by now that the Resolve of which I speak is multi-faceted.  It consists of preparation, deliberate and pre-meditated action based on that preparation, and resolution of that action when it is safe to do so.  These are the key tenets of Resolve. 

Several studies conducted after World War II uncovered a curious fact:  Approximately 50% of the US soldiers that fought in battle admitted they fired their weapons with “plausible deniability.”  This means they really didn’t zero in on their targets, but fired in the general direction of the enemy—the idea being that they really wouldn’t know for sure if they killed another human being. 

Why?  Consequences of those actions and the inability to Resolve them.
Mad Dog, a very good friend and former Green Beret as well as strong Christian explained it best:  “God did not design us to take human life.  And, to engage in activities that result in it have consequences—not punishments—but consequences.”  For example, what’s the best off-road vehicle made?…A Rental!   Joking aside, a rental car can be a great off-road vehicle—once.  Then, it’s trashed.  Why?…because, it wasn’t designed for it.  This is a consequence of using something for a purpose it wasn’t designed to do.  The car wasn’t trashed out of punishment; it was a direct consequence of misusing it. 

Now, having said that, all real off-road vehicles are not created equal either, some do much better than others—and the same can be said about humans.  Case in point; only a select few are chosen for Special Ops—the hell they are put through to select the best candidates is a testament to it.  To the uninitiated, it is a belief that brute physical stamina identifies them as the cream of the crop…and they would be incorrect.  Certainly, physical ability is important, but it’s having heart and Resolve to push past physical limits that insure success, all the while maintaining perspective, mental focus, and situational awareness.

I’m reminded of Bible history where God told Gideon to select 300 men for a battle against thousands.  To select the best of the best, Gideon was to march all the candidates mercilessly around the desert for an extended time.  Finally, he was to guide them to a water hole and observe them.  Those that dropped their weapons and buried their faces to lap like dogs were disqualified.  God told Gideon to look for those that kept vigilance—retaining their weapons and maintaining their bearing—always at the ready, mentally focused, just in case—yet still satisfy their thirst.  The 300 selected were “special” because they had the mindset, the heart, and the Resolve to be prepared for any contingency.  I’ll make one concession here—these were men that naturally found the Resolve to be selected.  It was in their nature.  God wasn’t asking Gideon to train these men to meet a standard.  The standard was applied to insure they already had the Resolve to accomplish the task.

Preparing to Resolve
While Gideon only selected those with adequate Resolve, I believe it is possible to gain Resolve through training or learning.  And, while some will always have a natural preponderance to it, everyone can increase their ‘resolve quotient’ like anything else—simply by preparing.  No one can prepare for you, because it must be attached to a very personal and deep rooted belief or beliefs.  Certainly it can start with the position that you will protect your family and their livelihood, but you have to peel layers of thought deeper and deeper…and go beyond the logic of protecting your loved ones—use your heart.  You are training yourself here and in the training world we look to Bloom’s Taxonomy for the different domains of learning.  They are the Cognitive domain (mental skills or knowledge), the Psychomotor domain (matching knowledge with manual or physical skill) and the Affective domain (growth in feelings or emotional areas).  Learning about guns, their operations and increasing skill in the use of them is covered by the first two domains—dealing with the Resolve to use them and the emotional aftermath, is covered by the Affective domain.  This domain by far has the most impact and ‘bang for the buck’ if it is employed correctly.  I’ll give an example. 

Remember back to high school and of all that you learned—what sticks out in your mind?  Is it memorizing formulas for chemical concoctions from chemistry class or maybe the names of every bone in the human body?  Doubtful, unless you’re a chemist or doctor and work with it every day to reinforce your rote memory.  More than likely, it’s a subject taught by a well-respected and effective teacher—like history.  We all remember that ‘special teacher’ we really liked and their way of making things interesting or alive.  Think back to that time and the subject they taught.  Can you remember things you learned…are they still there?  Why?…because they employed emotion or feeling to facilitate the transfer of knowledge.   They likely used war stories or personal experiences and attached it to the subject matter being taught.  It’s well known in training circles that the Affective Domain will imbed knowledge more permanently in the human mind than any other method.  This is the most prominent distinction between a computer and the human mind.  A machine will never feel anything, they can only emulate.  It’s because they have no spirit…no soul…no heart.

Attaching emotion to learning is what you need to do in your quest to increase Resolve. Don’t use temporary emotion or heat of the moment techniques as I mentioned before—like watching a war movie, listening to pumped-up rock music, or getting jacked up on “hooyahs.”  Don’t think Dirty Harry—think Braveheart.  Don’t think AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell”—think Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to be an American.”  Which of those move your heart?  Strengthen your Resolve?

I’m reminded of an interview I saw recently with the late Chris Kyle; the world’s deadliest sniper.  When asked by a smug reporter about how he dealt with knowing he terminated over 160 human lives, he responded matter-of-factly that it was to save the lives of his comrades.  He believed that every enemy terrorist he killed, saved the lives of American soldiers—that was his logic.  What he didn’t impart was bond that drove the deeper feelings and emotions he held that were the foundation of his logic and the basis for his Resolve.  Believe me, they are there…ask his wife, I’ll bet she knows.  There’s nothing cavalier about Chris and his Resolve. 

To wrap it up, I’m reminded of a Biblical scripture that says, “For greater love has no man than this; that he lay down his life for his friends.”  If you have this kind of love for those you protect, then I believe you are capable of creating a healthy Resolve to do what is necessary.  I could write several chapters on this—and probably will, but for this article I will leave it at provoking deeper thought and feeling to establish the foundation for your Resolve.  Don’t be cavalier about this critical step in acquiring Resolve.  Of all the skills and preparation you acquire in your pursuit of survival, this is likely the first you may have to employ immediately following the start of TEOTWAWKI.

Deliberate & Premeditated Resolve to Action
Preparing to Resolve is the foundation for acting; knowing what action you are willing to take and under what general circumstances.  Now, you must join this with decisiveness—a willingness to follow through—before you are confronted with a situation.  You must have already made the decision to act—weeks, months, or even years before you find yourself confronted with a scenario that demands you to act.  If you prepare, but don’t act, you cannot benefit from your preparation—period!
Decisiveness to act also carries the crucial benefit of speed, or more definitively—lack of hesitation.  Any seasoned vet with tell you that he’s had successes because the enemy hesitated or paused to ‘think.’  These vital seconds can be the difference between life and death for you or your loved ones.
Have a heart to heart with yourself and ask the question:  Am I willing to act…can I do this?  If your answer is “I think so,” “I don’t know,” or anything other than a strong affirmation—you need to go back to preparation and Resolve it.  This isn’t easy, and to trivialize it or be cavalier won’t work. 

Resolution of Action Taken
When safe to do so and the dangers have passed, you need to Resolve your feelings and emotions.  A good warrior can easily push these aside during a fight knowing they are a distraction that could cost him or his comrades their lives.  However, it’s a slippery slope down the road to PTSD if you don’t deal with them afterwards; like a festering sore they will return to haunt you.  This I promise.  Knowing you are directly responsible for the loss life of another human being will change your life forever—even if you effectively resolve it—you will be changed.  It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, justified or not.

First step:  Start with logic, because you’re going to go there anyway.  What were the circumstances that required your actions and how did you respond?  Could you have handled it any other way…maybe a better way?  The purpose of this initial step is to confront yourself.  This may sound like you’re borrowing trouble, but it’s really about getting it out on the table.  Guaranteed you will second guess yourself at some point anyway, why not now? 

Consider an After-Action Report format.  Include everything from what went well to what didn’t, and include mistakes—especially mistakes.  The whole purpose is to learn from it and then move on.  “Maybe” and “if” yourself thoroughly, but don’t dwell on it too long because that causes ‘analysis paralysis.’  Then, formulate the perfect solution and compare it to how you handled it.  Are they the same—no, they never are…and they never will be.  Consider the deltas; the things you could have done better and vow to learn from them.  

The next step is to mourn.  Cry, pray, etc.—get it out. 

Now, forgive yourself…God did.  You have to go forward from here.  Again, vow to learn from it because this makes you more valuable to yourself and others.  Even if you are partly or directly responsible for the death of a comrade because of your action or inaction—you can be better for it.  Part of your healing is to vow to do better and educate subordinates so they won’t make the same mistake.  To clam up, quit, or even take your own life is not only an atrocity, it’s sentencing a comrade to make the same mistake because you weren’t there to pass on valuable advice…is that what you really want for them?

So…think you’re ready???
For those of you that believe they’ve already prepared themselves.  Let me drop a test scenario on you.
You’ve done all the right things.  Prepped, stored, and relocated to your retreat in the wilds of Montana.  An economic collapse was the culprit, just like you thought it would be.  It’s been several weeks and your family is in a routine.  Adjustments to your new life are going well.
However, a starving man and his family show up at your gate.  The man and his wife are gaunt and drawn; clearly they had given whatever food they had to their three young children, now clinging to their mother’s leg.   You decide not to draw your weapon as you approach because of the children.  The man smiles as you get within speaking distance.  It’s clear they need assistance and will likely beg for food.  You planned for some charity like a good prepper and prepared yourself for how you would handle this—give them what you can, but be firm in asserting they move on and don’t come back.

Suddenly, the man’s smile slips away as he draws a pistol.  He yells commands for you to disarm and voices his intention to take from you and your family.  Clearly, he’s desperate—like you would be if you had to stare in to your family’s starving eyes every day and listen to their cries of hunger at night.   The distance between you is 50 feet—an easy shot for you, as you’d practiced many times.  You recognize the man is not an accomplished gunman by the way he holds the weapon and wields it carelessly.  While he could get lucky, it’s not likely he would hit you.  Frequently, he looks away to glance at his family—more than enough time for you to strip your pistol from its holster and double tap him.  If you kill him, the man’s family will eventually suffer the same fate; wing him, and the result is still the same…just takes longer while they watch him die of infection.
He’s done talking, his gun fires…he misses you…he’s cocking it again…

What would you do?  Is this one of the scenarios you fantasized about?  Prepared for?  Resolution of Action Taken has a whole new aspect to it now.  You won’t be dealing with just the man’s death, but his family also…maybe they wouldn’t die, but what a tragic thing to witness for them.  If you don’t think that will rattle around in your head for the rest of your life, you’re a sociopath.   Bottom line:  You’re alive, but your sanity and quality of life is dismal.  In the end, you may have no choice except to defend yourself with extreme prejudice, but dealing with the aftermath will come hard.

You prepared to Resolve ridding the earth of a marauding biker gang, not the Brady Bunch—yet both scenarios are equally feasible in TEOTWAWKI.

From Just Surviving Life to a Life of Survival Preparedness, by Michael B.

I was born into the percentage of Americans,who statistically don’t make it to the American dream. I was Born 1980 in Modesto, California. The third child of a young mother and father hooked on Speed, KJ and any other number of drugs they could get their hands on. By 1983 we found ourselves 140 miles south in Visalia Ca. That year my father was shot point blank range in the lower abdominal area with a .22 Long Rifle hollow point. It was the neighbor in the next apartment who did the shooting and it was a fight over drugs. My older brother is the oldest of us three. He was standing next to our dad when he was shot. My dad drove himself to the hospital and passed out in the parking lot. My brother was seven years old at the time. He ran into the hospital and got their attention. The bullet did what hollow points do: It broke into seven pieces. Without the energy to exit, the bullet pieces ricochet around like a pinball machine. One fragment managed to come out his upper back by his right shoulder blade. The seven fragments ripped his liver, pancreas, and spleen. They had to remove several feet of intestine. The shot damaged a kidney so badly that it was removed. My dad was transferred from Kaweah Delta Health hospital in Visalia to UCLA Medical Center. They saved his life but not before he went into cardiac arrest three times and was in the hospital for six months.

At that point in our lives, our mother took us back to Modesto and continued on the same path of, Drug abuse, horrible mean men and Government assistance… I remember CPS coming to our house and taking nude pictures of all the bruises on us kids. Their were four or five families in this house. They took pictures of the empty maggot infested fridge. Pictures of over flowing feces-filled toilets. By fourth grade for me and seventh grade for my sister, she’s the middle kid I’m the baby. Our older brother had run away from the madness to find our dad, to hopefully come to the rescue of us. We were too young to realize, he was living the same alcoholic drug life our mother was, only he was a little further south in canyon country. Sometime during my fourth grade year my sister and I just stopped going to school. We roamed all over Modesto. The school came by a few times but could never find our mom. My sister and I eat at the church two or three times a week, sometimes we eat at the salvation army. A lot of the time we stole food from the local market. Food to a couple kids amounted to whatever candy you could get in your pocket. Some people might say I mentioned Government assistance above. My mom and every mom in that neighbor-hood would make us kids take a dollar food stamp at a time into the market and buy a 0.05 cent candy and bring them back the 95 cents change. That’s only when the guy behind the counter just didn’t offer 50 cents on the dollar for the whole book of food stamps.

CPS never did anything in my several encounters. Our school noticed the trend and pretended (I know this now) my sister  and I won a shopping trip. They bought us several outfits and shoes. So by the end of  fourth grade we made it back to school but not before being School Administrative  Review Board (SARB) flagged. They found my mom and threatened her with jail and no more welfare. So she got us back in school pronto. That summer I was arrested for receiving stolen property at nine years old. I was sitting in a golf cart in an alley with another nine year old making motor sounds and pretending to drive. The thing never moved an inch not to say we  wouldn’t have but we had no clue how. Either way the cop took me to juvenile hall where it took my mom three days to find me.  During this time my sister has blossomed into a beautiful young thirteen year old girl, who looks to old for our own good. We still  haven’t heard from our brother or dad and our mom has now been with this boyfriend who hands out regular beating to all of us. My sister and I met a man at the arcade who’s started buying cloths and food. He turned out to be a twenty six year old opportunist who seen us or my sister as a prime target. So by fourteen she gives birth to a beautiful little girl by a man thirteen years her senior.. I guess that’s finally enough to get our drunk doped up dad  to Modesto. He paid a guy in a 1966 Chevy step side to bring him. I was never so elated when I seen him. I ran so fast I tripped in front of him. I thought it was all going to change. It did for a day or so. I was so happy when my dad slapped the hell out of my moms boyfriend. Slap! Nnnno! I won’t hit them any more.  Music to my ears. The next day my dad chased my sister’s guy around too.. Things are looking up. Then he got in the truck the next day and left. I was on my way. I was under a tarp in the bed of the truck. The truck pulled over about a block away.  My dad had seen me poke my head out, we cried and hugged and I didn’t understand why he just couldn’t take me. I was back to running the streets all night my sister was gone with the father of my niece. Now it’s just me, until my big brother showed up out of the blue.  All of fifteen years old he was my Hero immediately. Strong long blond hair,  I was so happy he was here. He had a long hair friend with him. He told me he was in a big fight at home needed to get away. So he got our address from dad borrowed a car and here he was. He told me I don’t care what any one says when I leave, you’re leaving too!. Three days later we left.

Ten years old and back in Visalia, California. We lived in a huge apartment complex nicknamed Sin City. I was so happy to follow my brother around, our surroundings didn’t matter. My brother was good at making my dad buy food but he never paid rent and we were locked out of every place we lived and in between the welfare office would provide motels, meals, money. On top of the normal welfare he got. So he knew how to use it. As do most. I found out my brother must of endured the same beatings I took only he got it from our father. I found this out shortly after moving in. My Dad got drunk put his hands on me and my brother attacked him violently and didn’t stop until he looked dead. I was in shock, My big brother stood over our father and said your never going to lay a hand on my little brother, you understand!. He never tried to get physical again until I was fifteen years old. He was up for several days on meth. I tried to leave the apartment and he wouldn’t let me out. He grabbed my neck, I bombed an overhand right and it put him out cold, I stepped over him and went to a friend’s mom who knew my situation. That next year right when I turned sweet sixteen, I was confronted by a group of what I’d call then, “rich kids.” They approached me and attacked during the fight one of the kids got his jaw broken. The cops arrested me and since I was the poor kid, I was immediately branded the bad guy. The courts sentenced me to three years and eight months. In the mea time my sister got away from the way too old  for her predator. She came to Visalia where our brother was and got a bank teller position. Meanwhile our brother was building car engines and doing maintenance work.

Me? Oh I got out of jail and knew, I’d be making my own path. My now wife of thirteen years was then my girlfriend since seventh grade summer. She waited and wrote me a letter every day I was gone. I came home at eighteen to my sister and girlfriend’s house. Within a week I was unloading walnuts seven days a week, ten hours a day. The next year my wife and I married, I became a roofer and she went to Fresno State University full time and worked full time. No one in our families have ever owned anything. I bought a 1967 300 deluxe  post top Chevelle two-door I sold that car a year later a made a down payment on our first house. My wife got to pick it all ground up. My sister’s teller job turned into a assistant manager position and our big brother was a master diesel tech. I bought our first home  in 2001 and sold in 2005 at he peak of the market. We walked away with $157,000 profit. For a kid from  the hood, “WOW!” is all I could say.. Before I knew what a retreat was I knew I didn’t want to  raise my kid in the city. So I took our money and bought 2.5 acres on a aquifer with two wells and no home. I paid the property off and hired a contractor who was local. That contractor  stole $70,000 from our building account I set up for him. That’s what happens when a poor guy gets money. I wasn’t smart enough with it.

So here we are. Married five years. We have a 7-week early  premature little girl. No house and bare land? Well we had our credit,  land, boat and a paid-for truck. So I did what most people wouldn’t. I went and took a $220,000 hard money loan 10% interest only and a $10,000 buy down. On top of the $2,200 a month interest-only loan. I only had thirteen months until the  balloon payment was due. I pulled all my own permits and built our 2,400 square foot house in ten months. When those hard money loan guys saw me in ten months, they were surprised.. I’m almost 34 years old now. My wife and I have lived in our retreat for five years. She’s become a Oncology  Registered Nurse with ten years of experience. We home school our daughter, raise chickens and gardens. Yes I tell her stories of my wild child hood and even show her the paths I took.  Most of all she sees us, My brother ,sister and I care for her Grandparents who’s drug filled youth funded by the welfare system has made them life time dependent on the government. It also goes to show although rare. Sometimes the Apples all roll very far from the tree. My sister with her seventh grade education and a child at thirteen years old, is now the district manager of twelve plus banks, manages her own five acres  of pecans and drives a Mercedes E550 coupe that is paid for. Our big brother is still a Master mechanic. He travels all over fixing specialty equipment and makes $50+ an hour.

Me, the young wild one. They tell me I endured the worst.To me..I have had the best life ever: The American Dream times a million. Where do you get to start with nothing and claw and fight to the top and come out like an apple pie. Out of us three kids, none of us smoke or drink or have ever done drugs. I’m now officially “Mr. Mom.” My wife works three days a week with vacation that’s 123 work days a year. We all shoot compound bows and pellet guns. We all have our hunting licenses. We ride dirt bikes, ride horses, gold mine, grow and store our own food.  All on an education of having nothing. So it is possible.

The main thing is to Fight no matter what, just keep moving forward. We talk to our parents every day. Our father is now 60 and hasn’t had a sip in five years although our mom will be on psych meds forever. She’s our mom and that’s it. We love our parents no matter what. This is a glimpse of a few minutes of a few times in my personal life. I can fill book with the wild weird situations we were placed in. Us kids, We not only survived we thrive. Through beatings,  rapes and just plain craziness. I know these times shaped me to a tough an rugged  individual but it also taught me how to love unconditionally, share what you have and stand your moral ground and for me personally a great relationship with Jesus Christ. Thank you Mr. Rawles and everyone who contributes to this very cool blog site. God bless the whole world.