JWR,
My family and I signed up to be foster parents in Arizona and went through the initial home review, interview and application. The social worker made some recommendations about adding a door to our loft. I did not feel that her walk-through was invasive at all but we never made it to the official state inspection. We had to enter a lot of data into the State’s foster care web site and that bothered me a little. I have actually thought about logging back in to erase everything. What we found was that as the economy was changing more and more people were volunteering for foster care as a supplemental income stream and we fell off the radar. When I called to ask when we could join the next class, they were booked six months out. Since then we have completely reconsidered this as an option. If things do go significantly wrong there will be plenty of children needing our assistance and care. – Janelle
James:
I would like to first thank Robert for even considering adding to their family by adoption or foster parenting. There are so many children in the U.S. and in foreign countries who would benefit greatly from being part of a loving family! This is not something to be taken lightly, but rather with much prayer and self searching. I read stories about some of these “movie stars” adopting, and so many times it seems like adoption is only a trendy accessory for some of these people. Parenting is tough in the best of times, and in many instances adopted children come with plenty of baggage in tow. I’m not trying to scare anyone off, just be prepared. Our daughter was adopted from a horrible Siberian orphanage. A 4.5 years old she was the size of a one year old, and was not walking nor talking. By God’s incredible grace, she is now a senior in high school and doing fantastic! A few days ago she voted in her first election!!
Adoption is intrusive. The degree to which your life will be scrutinized depends on different factors. What are the general rules regarding adoption where you live? What all is the adoption agency looking for in the prospective parents? If it’s a foreign adoption you’re considering, are there certain requirements from the foreign end of the adoption that need to be met? Our local adoption case worker really looked us over, but when all that was finished and sent up to the people handling the overseas end of things they said most of it was unnecessary!! What I’m getting at here…is that the degree you’re put under the microscope can vary very widely from place to place; organization to organization; social worker to social worker. So, what do you do? Check around through local organizations and just get some general information. Do you have any friends, or connections through church, who have adopted? Talk to them and get a feel for what they had to go through and the general attitude of the people you’ll have to deal with. I believe Robert’s concerns are very valid, and you do not want to entangle yourself with a person or organization who is anti-homeschooling or who has ‘issues’ with people owning firearms or being self sufficient. Keep in mind: an adoption doesn’t entail a one-time visit with a social worker. There will be home visits while the paperwork is being completed and then it will continue periodically for years after the adoption is completed. In our case we finally finished with all that 5 years after returning home with our daughter! For us, the issue of firearms and emergency prepping never came up. Everything was/is out of sight; the social worker didn’t ask; and I didn’t bring it up. Our children are in a private Christian school, so we’ve never had the issue of home schooling.
Have I scared everyone off? I truly hope not. As I said before, there are multitudes of children who need the love, support, and discipline of a loving family. You don’t have to be a perfect family, just willing to give of yourself and open your hearts and your home to these wonderful children. They need you. Many of them will not have a chance if they stay where they are. Our daughter had never walked before coming home with us. We had her a prosthetic leg built, and three days after getting it she was walking on her own. That is a moment we will never forget. Over the years she’s not missed out on a moment of life. She’s run cross country, plays basketball, has worn a beautiful dress on the homecoming court, and walked down the aisle to give her heart to Jesus. We’ve faced a lot of challenges over the years, but we faced them together as a family. Love, God’s love, has truly conquered all. – J.B.
Hi Jim,
We fostered, and adopted both our boys many years ago in Missouri. Division of Family Services for the most part is very thorough with their inspections, particularly in the home. They will know a lot about you when you are done. Just keep your mouth closed on what you don’t want them to know about. I have been a prepper since way back, and a competitive shooter with a large gun collection. All guns must be kept in a safe (or locked gun box). They never looked in my shop (where my reloading supplies, etc are located, and never questioned us about our food). I do not see an issue with the food. If questioned I would say; “I took the government’s advice on being prepared, I see it as my civic duty”. Or if you’re LDS so much the better. Homeland security has sent out plenty of info since Katrina about being prepared, so the ‘civic duty’ should fly. They are pretty intrusive, probably much more than the typical prepper would want, but the focus is on child safety, and providing a nurturing environment for the child. Since they live in a small rural area, I do not see an issue. Now a social worker from the big city could be an entirely different scenario. With some common sense (about what is laying around the house, as far as books, magazines, etc), how you dress, how you speak, what you discuss, and have a positive attitude and a smile, it should not be a problem. They might be questioned about home schooling, but if they provide a balanced approved curriculum (and bite their tongue when it comes to government bashing), it might be approved. They need to check with Ohio regulations and make sure that foster kids can be home schooled. Transportation to school (if not home schooled), doctor’s appointments, counseling, visits to DFS are also an issue, and they should have a plan for that. Some foster records are “Public Record” so if you want to stay under the radar (which is probably impossible these days), it’s not for you. Of course if you pass the inspection for DFS, you definitely won’t be on the ‘possible enemy list’ from the government, as you have already been inspected up close. Wish there were more people like them! – Mike
Sir;
I have a lot of experience dealing with social workers in the foster care and adoption systems. I’m the mother of four adopted children, all now grown, who all started off as my foster children. I also am raising some grandchildren (belonging to my bum daughter). They are legally my foster kids. I’m adopting them as well – it’ll be final next week.
Weapons: First off, I live in California which is not really a gun friendly state. I had to list weapons on the paperwork but I only listed the ones that the state knows that I own. In this state, when you buy a gun you have to fill out a bunch of paperwork so they already have all that info. I do have a handgun that was given to me by a friend. This one is not in the foster care paperwork inventory. I also bought a handgun since the initial paperwork. That one isn’t listed because they never asked me to update the paperwork. I’d only document what the state already knows about. I wouldn’t not list any if I did have some, even if the state didn’t have the records because one of the kids will say something about guns. My older children, now in their late 20s and early 30s, were allowed to shoot weapons while still foster children. There isn’t any law now that says they can’t, it all depends on the attitude of the individual social worker. The main worker the kids have now is what I would call a pie in the sky person who thinks if we all walk around with a smile on our face then there would be no conflict or danger. She sees no need for weapons. I told her that I needed some because we live on a farm. Saying you like to hunt or target shoot works. During the initial house inspection and the once a year inspection I locked a closet and told her they were in the locked closet and each individual gun was locked. She didn’t want to see and didn’t ask me to unlock the closet because she was afraid of the guns. Oops, did I forget to mention the handgun next to my bed or the handgun in the garage? The social worker does not open drawers and really would be happy if every closet and drawer was locked. Needless to say, with her attitude the children are not allowed to shoot. I did buy airsoft guns and a daisy bb gun for them to use. We just haven’t mentioned this to the social worker. After all, they aren’t weapons. The eight year old told the social worker last week that he can’t wait to get adopted so he can shoot guns. I just smiled. We did have a second social worker who was responsible for the final paperwork. She read through the papers and saw that I noted we owned weapons. She didn’t ask to see where they were located. She asked if I “packed”. I liked her.
Food: You are required to have food in the house. They want to know where you keep it. But really they want to know that you have a cabinet of food in the kitchen and not a bare refrigerator. Some of our food is in the pantry, some in the garage, and some in a hidden space closet, and we have a large garden. Since I can, the social worker saw the home canned foods. She was impressed by our “quaintness”. I also told her that I like stocking up on sales from the store and that I save up food all year and give to the food pantry a couple times per year. I do, but not in those quantities. Again, a little white lie, but no harm. I don’t explain to the kids why we have so much food on hand, they just know it’s there. I do tell them that I don’t like to go shopping and I don’t like to run out of food. That is true. Supplies: This is one that the social worker sort of overlooked when doing the inspection of the house and garage (and she never really looked at the barns). I’d have more trouble with this if the kids were younger. After all, you are supposed to lock up all your cleaning items, medications, and anything harmful. This doesn’t make sense having to padlock cabinets when the kids are required to use the cleanser and other cleaners as part of their chores. But that’s what the social workers are looking for – padlocked cabinets and locked closets. They don’t go into each cabinet to see what’s in them; they just want to see the locks.
Shelter: This is a big issue. The rules in our state are that you can only have two people per bedroom and each bedroom has to have a regular door and a closet. You are not allowed to have adult guests spend the night when you have kids in foster care. You couldn’t have more than two kids per room, even if it’s cousins or school friends spending the night for a slumber party. I tell the kids that if they tell the social worker that people spend the night that their friends will never be allowed to spend the night again. Ever. We lied about this all the time. We still do. Fortunately at Thanksgiving this year when we stuff 20+ people into the house we won’t have to tell the social worker that they all are at hotels.
Survivalist Attitude: You do not discuss this attitude with the social worker! Just sympathize with them about how budget cuts have overwhelmed them. I don’t ever talk personal thoughts or feelings. They don’t know my political choices. They don’t know if I’m pro or con anything. Talk around the dinner table stays the same, always age appropriate. You are teaching the kids to be self sufficient whether they are with you or are on their own.
Medical: The kids will have required doctor and dentist appointments that you have to keep and they seem to be assigned to worst of the worst for medical professionals. Those professionals write the strangest things down in their notes. For example, the kids needed their yearly checkup right before school. They play in the woodpile and always get little no-seeum bites. I told that to the doctor who insisted it was bedbugs and that I needed to provide better mattresses. Whatever… They also want a list of medications that are in your household. That’s none of their business. I always write down aspirin, tylenol, advil, and benedril. They seem happy with that. I show them that in a “locked” cabinet in the bathroom.
Social Worker Visits: In California the social worker has to see the kids monthly. They don’t always have the same person seeing them each month. Because of this, the person who sees them may have no idea about their background or even anything about you. They don’t have time to go through the files to find out about you. Those files are just that, files. Social workers are also so overworked that they won’t really remember everything that they’ve seen in your house that relates to prepping. But the kids will reveal your secrets. They always do, because the social workers seem to ask leading questions. We have a gate at the end of the driveway. There are no surprise visits. When the social worker does come it’s planned and I can prepare. Have a neat house, don’t yell at the kids, and don’t show up to the door with a beer in your hand or on your breath. Last time the worker came it was a substitute who didn’t know anything about us. It was a nice afternoon so we sat out on the porch. She never did go inside. You really can not trust the social workers, especially those who work for the government. Private social workers are a bit better but you can not confide your survivalist thoughts with them. Sincerely, Leah
Jim:
I too am a Ten Cent Challenge subscriber and would like to give my $0.02 worth:
Having had a small brush with the inappropriately named Child Protective Services (CPS) I have a few insights that may help. First a little background, a family we slightly knew from church were having issues. One night when their home devolved into a fist fight between the parents the police were called and the children were going to be taken into CPS custody. The case worker asked if there were any family nearby where the children (Boy 13, girl 9) could go, there wasn’t, but we know this nice family from church (My family) They decided that our family was better than the “home”. That started a three month odyssey that has changed my family forever.
A couple days after the children arrived we were visited by a CPS worker that started to dictate to us how things would be. First off they wanted to have a full background check and fingerprinting of both my wife and I, then they conducted a private interview with each of my children and a check of their school records. It was a nightmare from the beginning. We agreed to this for the sake of “the children” whom we didn’t even know that well. Then there was the “Inspections” (note that was in the plural)…and it just got worse.
On the initial inspection we were given a list of things that were to make our home “Child Safe”. We were given a list of things we could not have on our premises unless they were locked in a “State approved” gun safe. And that safe had to be bolted in place. • Fire arms of any kind • Ammunition of any kind • Reloading supplies including primers, cases, powder, or projectiles • Knives (They had to be controlled including kitchen knives, although we could have them for cooking, but not at the table) Since we didn’t own a large gun safe we had to take all of those provisions to a friends house for safe keeping.
The inspections continued: All chemicals had to be locked up or housed above the reach of the children (Although the boy was 5’9″ they said above the frig would be OK). Any thing that might be an issue was addressed. I was amazed! We had lived as a family for more than 15 years and I didn’t realize how dangerous my house was, it’s a miracle that we were still alive.
When the inspector saw our larder, there was a huge Q&A about why we had so much food and stuff. Needless to say we had a long chat about why we thought the world was coming to an end. Take every conversation you’ve ever had justifying your prep life with those who think you are nuts and multiply it by 100! Now the fact that I run a business that sells these kind of materials put us in a whole new universe!
CPS Worker: “So you think that the world is going end?” Me: “No, we don’t think it’s going to end, we just like to be prepared”
“Prepared for what? “Natural and man made disasters”
“By man made you mean, you think some one is out to get you?” “No, I mean terrorist event or civil unrest?”
“Have you always felt this way?” “What way?”
“So……um paranoid” “You know we live in earthquake territory, don’t you?”
“You think we’re going to have a huge earthquake and you’ll have to survive on your own? “Uh, it’s not me it’s the USGS!”
“Okay well why do you need so much food? “Well my Church leaders have counseled us to have a food storage”
“So your religion is expecting the end of the world?” “Okay, unless your going to throw the children in the street, I’m done with this line of questions”
Each month when the CPS worker came to inspect, she would question each of the children (mine included) if they had observed any thing that bothered them or made them feel, angry, sad, hurt, afraid, scared, embarrassed. With each “confession” my wife and I would be questioned as to why this or that happened and how we might better handle the situation. The “Foster kids” quickly learned that they could do anything they wanted and feign being effected negatively and we would get a tongue lashing from the CPS worker.
Then there was the endless appointments….Court, doctors (not ours or convenient to our location), therapists, councilors, visitations with parents, and after most of them came the distraught child, that we had to deal with, and all the while being unable to deal with the problems as we saw fit.
That lasted for three months, we discovered that the boy was taking his aggression out on my children. With all the c**p, hassle and abuse of our children, we said enough! That was six years ago….I’m a lot smarter now. More aware of my, my responsibilities and my rights. give up my
My first duty is to my family, not others children. I shouldn’t have to give up my rights to help others.
I would never take in a ward of the State again…..Because you then become a ward of the State.
Frustrating, invasive and futile. – K. in California
Jim,
This is in reference to the posting “Re: Preppers as Foster Parents.” We adopted two newborns here in Georgia. The process was very difficult, and very intrusive. It took me forty hours to do all of the paperwork to the state’s satisfaction. That did not include all of the meetings, interviews and home inspection. Or the monthly follow-up visits. A couple years ago we considered adopting an older sibling group. We went to an informational meeting about the foster-to-adoption process, and were alarmed by the amount of state intrusion. Nothing would be a secret to the state. Nothing. Let me repeat that: nothing. We may as well have said, “Here are the keys to our house. Just make yourself at home –and post a chore chart for me, please.”
A foster child is not your child–he or she is the state’s (until final adoption), and they make that quite clear. We had gone through that process with our newborns, but that wasn’t with children who could say anything to the snoops. Going through a good Christian agency, instead of directly through the state, makes it a little easier. They can help guide you through the process, and try to make it as painless as possible. Most people, when told of the flaming hoops that must be jumped through, say, “It’s good the state is protecting the children that way.” I then ask them if they went through that scrutiny when they had their children (biologically). They look at me like I’m crazy (I’m not advocating that. It’s just fun to see people’s expression when I suggest that perhaps they should have been thoroughly investigated before being allowed to take their baby home).
Many people believe the state has a disincentive to foster or adopt children out of the system, since they get money for each child in the system. Perhaps that’s true, but what I do know is that the state works very hard at not getting children into loving homes. I saw a statistic that said something like: if just one family out of every five hundred would adopt a foster child, the foster system would be completely emptied. Fostering/adoption is not for the feint-of-heart, on many levels, but if you’re up to it, please do it. Just be aware that, at least until final adoption, you’ll have to be careful.
It isn’t impossible. We did it. Jim, your beloved late wife The Memsahib fostered in her own way–by supporting the Anchor of Hope Charities. – Dean