Boxed Survival Pizza, by Pat Cascio

Hands down, pizza is my favorite food. It has been for as long as I can remember. I guess what I like about pizza is that it can be had with so many different toppings, and each maker of pizza has its own distinct taste – it never seems to get boring whenever I have pizza. I only have one caveat and that is: No anchovies!

We’ve been back on the west side of Oregon for 16 years now, after spending 15 years in the eastern part of Oregon – the high desert. I don’t know how we got stuck there for so long, but I wish we had never moved to that side of the state. I don’t like the high desert, and I sure didn’t enjoy the hot summers. I didn’t mind all the winter snow and cold – but I don’t tolerate that kind of heat!

I’m on my third doctor here in western Oregon. The first one, semi-retired and is working part-time with folks who have drug and alcohol additions – though we still stay in touch. My second doctor, was a fairly young guy, and I really liked he would listen to me – he never acted like a know-it-all – I liked that. He, however, is now the director of the drug and alcohol clinic, where my first doctor works. Now, my current doctor – he’s pretty sharp – and we have had some disagreements on my care and treatment – but he is a really good one – he supervises all the resident doctors at the local medical clinic that I go to.

As this is being written, I’m just a few days short of my 70th birthday, and I’m not about to seriously change my habits, especially my eating habits. My current doctor asked me recently about my “diet” and I told him “pizza, hot dogs, and cheeseburgers…” and he rolled his eye – told me I needed to change that diet and eat “smarter” whatever that means. Sorry, that is the three basic food groups in my life, and I’m not cutting any of them out of my diet at this stage of my life.

Those readers who have followed my articles over the past 30 years or so, will know that I was raised by my grandparents, from the time I was 6-weeks old – long story – sorta. My grandparents were poor and we didn’t have much, and to me, a Chef Boyardee boxed pizza mix, was “pizza” – I don’t think I knew there was a pizzeria within a few blocks of where we lived in Chicago – I believe I was probably no more than 10-years old, when my mother and step-father took me to that place for a takeout pizza – and let me tell you, it was delicious – and they are still in business, believe it or not.

My grandmother was from Kentucky, and we all know that those Southern Girls can cook. Sorry, not my grandmother – she burned everything. My boxed Chef Boyardee pizza were burned – all the time – but I ate them just the same. She raised 9 kids – and I guess she was (I hope) a better cook in her younger days.

We’ve also regularly kept some sort of frozen pizzas in our freezer, for more than 30 years. My wife was an elementary school teacher, and that meant I was usually on my own for lunches, no matter what kind of work I was doing. And, a frozen pizza made for a quick and easy lunch for me. By the way, we also keep plenty of good hot dogs in the freezer and well as ground beef to make cheeseburgers with – not changing my diet!

I’m sure all of our readers have had some kind of frozen pizzas for a meal, and some are better than others, to be sure. And, there are a multitude of frozen pizzas to pick from, too. So, you won’t get bored with any of them. When it comes down to it, my favorite pizza is just a plain cheese topping on it – believe it or not.

A lot of frozen pizzas – maybe most of them – have one thing in common, and that is their frozen crusts – some are better than others, though. But none are as good as fresh-made pizza crusts. And, once again, there are a lot of different take-out pizzas that have some very good crusts, and some that are okay, at best.

We keep a couple cases of boxed Chef Boyardee pizzas around, and I still enjoy them, even though my wife does not burn them like my saintly grandmother did – all the time. In each box you will find two packs of flour to make two 12-inch pizzas, and a can of pizza sauce — and I really like the way their sauce tastes. They used to include a can of shaker parmesan cheese for the topping. But lately, there is not cheese in the box – not a big deal, as you can use your own shaker cheese, or if you have some fresh mozzarella, you can use that as a topping. Plus, we usually add more toppings like mushrooms, green peppers, or whatever we have around the house at the time.

So, you might ask, why do I call this type of pizza “survival pizza”? Well, the time is fast approaching when you won’t be able to run out to the grocery store and pick up some of this boxed pizza, and even today, it is a bit hard to find on store shelves. We usually have to order it online, and when we do, we get a couple cases at a time.

Electricty or Propane

If you have power, you can bake these pizzas – electric or gas. However, if you find yourself in a situation when there is no power, you can use a propane-powered pizza over – and I won’t like any here – you can find them on the ‘net from $49.99 up to several hundreds of dollars. We had a $49.99 model years ago, and it worked perfectly for cooking a pizza – today, we have a nice – a very nice travel trailer, that has a propane stove/over in it – and we keep our propane tanks full. So, it is not a problem to cook with this stove.

One nice thing about the Chef Boyardee boxed pizza mix is that it is very easy to make, and during a survival situation, it can be a fun family project, that will also take your mind off of whatever brought you to a bad situation. The kids will have fun making their own pizzas. Trust me, we’ve done it with our kids when they were younger.

To make your fresh pizza, you need to pre-heat your oven to 425 degrees F., then take both packages of the dough mix and add 1 1/3 of warm water and mix. Drizzle some cooking oil on your two 12-inch pizza pans, and then take half the dough for each pan, and shape it – make sure you get it to the edges of the pan. Next, evenly spread your pizza sauce over both pizzas and then open the cheese packet – if it didn’t come with one, use your parmesan shaker cheese, then bake it for about 10-minutes, let it cool for a few minutes and enjoy.

Now, if you are fortunate and still have power, and you have some bricks of mozz cheese in your fridge, you can slice that or shred it on your pizzas before cooking it – or add any other toppings. It all depends what you like on your pizza. We have a couple portable generators and can keep our ‘frig running a good long time – so we always have some bricks of cheese in the ‘frig. Even without the mozzarella cheese, the plain shaker cheese will suffice.

To me, pizza, is “comfort food” and during a survival situation, wouldn’t it be nice to have quick and easy comfort food to eat when everyone else might be starving? It will bring a little bit of normalcy back to you when times are bad.

We used to get this pizza mix for about a buck a box, and it only made one pizza. Today, you really need to shop around on the ‘net to find the best buy. Today, you can only find a box that makes two pizzas – not a bad thing…and prices are all over the place. I believe the last two cases we purchased and had delivered to our doorstep, came out to about $6.00 per box – and that’s for two pizzas – so keep that in mind. That is still a good deal. So, check out the propane-powered pizza ovens and get the one for your needs, then start shopping online for the best deals you can find in Chef Boyardee boxed pizzas. Once you have them in hand, gather the family together and make a couple pizzas, I think everyone will have some fun, and enjoy the survival pizza you made – it sure beats eating Ramen noodle soup at every meal. There used to be another boxed pizza out there called Apian Way – but I don’t know if they still make them – they were a really decent boxed pizza as I recall. Enjoy!