E-Mail 'Beware the PAN!, by D.D. in Virginia' To A Friend

34 Comments

1. Your post describes my sister-in-law to a tee. I’m sure my wife would want to include her in our house during a disaster situation, but after a few crazy, out of control rants, even my wife agreed that her presence would cripple any team atmosphere we would be trying to build. I feel sorry for her 5th husband, as he would be an excellent addition to our group. I wonder if……. Anyway, I guess we all have relatives that we question in our groups. I pray for guidance and constantly work towards teamwork.

   1. I would not I feel sorry for her 5th husband, after all he knew he was going to be number 5.

   2. This essay described my entire ex wife’s family(also her as well!). Fortunately, I only had to tolerate 14+ years of the foolishness, until I was done with it and we divorced. Good thing that I didn’t have to survive some sort of TEOTWAWKI situation.

2. I say let this person come into the group, they will be the first we eat when the food runs out!

   1. Thanks, I’m kinda liking that idea.

3. Being a “Know-it-all” is not the same as PAN. Someone who has spent their time investing in knowledge in a broad area of subjects doesn’t automatically become a narcissist, nor are they even likely to. Passive aggressive personalities may not even be the know-it-all type. I know a couple. They keep their aggressive tendencies for their inner circle (wife and kids) and are charming and good company when around friends and acquaintances.
   In this isolated world I’m guessing some of the people you are coming across are feeling isolated and lonely and just looking for a way to reach out and connect. Don’t assume that someone who talks your ear off, without the other tendencies of PAN, is a danger.

4. You describe a guy at my firehouse to a tee. He quickly earned the name “Top-it”, if your sled would do 100 his would do 110. His fires were always hotter. He was annoying as all heck. Most fellas quickly learned to head the other way when they saw him coming.

5. What a small world! That the author would know my brother-in-law.

6. I think all “groups” should have two probation periods. A three month and six month. And then a yearly review.

7. I have some of those traits, probably most do. Dear Reader, did you consider yourself while reading? I guess my only reprieve would be that I really don’t actually know all that much and therefore keep my mouth shut where I’m ignorant. Your essay could be summed up into one simple phrase: two ears, one mouth, figure it out.

8. A good leader utilizes all of his subordinates skills and knowledge to complete the task at hand. One who is challenged by someone elses intelligence can not imho be a good leader. If a subordinate works to undermine that is different, they should be shown the door. Give assignments to those with the best skill sets or is a SME to complete them. Team building is crucial, excluding someone because you feel threatened speaks to inferior leadership imo. Also know the difference between team building, training and micromanaging.

   1. Um, a sociopath?

      Good luck with that.

9. 5 More People You Don’t Want in Your Group
   Posted by Kit Perez
   Oct 13, 2018
   https://www.americanpartisan.org/2018/10/5-more-people-you-dont-want-in-your-group/

   The Narcissist – Someone who is driven by their need for attention is incapable of protecting information and is vulnerable to ego stroking.

10. The Power of Christ is perfected in human weakness=https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/christs-power-is-made-perfect-in-weakness

    There are many examples of people in times of crises “shining as the Cross”! Many times have people been surprised by someone “Gee, I never thought that they had that in them”!

11. Every mental health issue has a large spectrum of behaviors. It may not be easy to identify these individuals until their problems are your problems. One way to avoids the nuts and useless experts is to look for people with a broad range of skills.

    I would take a Jack Of All Trades over any expert that ever lived.

    I know this guy with a vast knowledge of tactics and weapons, all thanks to video games. 300 pounds of awesome, pale, never shot anything in his life warrior!

    It really is this simple. Can they Talk the Talk and Walk the Walk?

12. Hmm, I saw many of the traits in the above article of myself, but hopefully I’ve learned a few things ( many the hard way ) though the years.

13. Hmm, after reading the above article, I ‘ve seen many of the traits in myself ( and yes I like to talk about any and everything ), but hopefully and I like to think at age 72 that I’ve learned a few things though life and have learned to listen to other people and work with them ( and yes I’ve learned a few things in life the hard way more than once ).

14. People who think they know everything are really annoying to those of us that really do!

    1. Thanks for the laugh Duane. It really does seem that those of us who truly know it all don’t get the proper respect. Oh well, we’ll carry on!…..Hope everyone is having a Blessed Thanksgiving

    2. Yea Duane, I think God put these people on earth to test us who actually know everything! Ha!

15. They say there is a fine line between rational, and irrational, insanity if you will. I’ve noticed that a lot of very intelligent folks, lack certain social skills…… gonna be a one on one case study done over and over throughout this great nation if the shtf.

16. The worst trait in these people is called the “Kruger-Denning effect”,which translates to they are unable to realize how stupid they are. They just assume they know everything and and charge over the cliff leading everyone off with them..When they fail they assume their plans failed due to sabotage or incompetence of others never theirs.

    1. Perhaps as a case in point, this is specifically a cognitive bias that is near universal in humans. We overestimate our competence in areas in which we are unskilled and underestimate our abilities in the areas in which we are most competent. It is actually called the “Dunning-Kruger effect” or, increasingly, the “DJT Effect”.

17. A person I know is like this. Call him Big Pockets. Always trumps whst anyone does or has done.
    Most of his life he was a manager. Never did the work always had pawns to do it . Cons everyone to do everything for him.
    Lol

18. Hold every thought captive to obedience of Christ. Casting out imaginations. I shared this scripture with a p.a.n. And they freaked out on me.

19. Regarding PANs, here in the South we call them ‘Yankees’.

20. And then there are the dangerous psychopaths. The passive ones become politicians. The aggressive ones become their generals.

21. My PAN is worse than your PAN!!! 🙂

22. For anyone who wants to dive deeper into this subject, I highly recommend the book “Emotional Vampires”. It’s available on Amazon, I got the Kindle version. It’s really helped me to deal with a particular person in my life.

23. It’s the “ME Monster”!

    For a humorous description of this type of person, go to 56:43 of the following video of Brian Regan (actually, the link should take you to that point in the video): https://youtu.be/B7sgN1Hb2zY?t=3403

    BTW, after you watch the bit, go back to the beginning and watch the whole thing for lots of other laughs. The “ME Monster” is just the closing bit of the performance.

24. Roger D, well played sir. “Here in the South, we call them ‘Yankees’.” I smile in your direction.

25. As i have grown older and wiser i love to read articles like this. as a mere mortal and flawed human i recognize that i share tendencies with most of the personality types that are negative, we all do to an extent. what these articles do is allow a honest person to evaluate themselves for negative habits and attempt to avoid those behaviors. i always try and attempt to understand why I don’t like someone I then self evaluate my own attitudes and behaviors to avoid behaving like the person i dislike. i have found that most of the people I dislike tend to behave in ways i that i dislike about my younger less responsible self.

26. DD in Virginia,
    Your article is a bit confusing. You pretty much laid out an ironclad case of why the PAN would be intolerable to have in a small, intensely personal, close-quarters-confined Survival Group. You caused me to imagine how destructive and dangerous he is. And then you concluded with something like ‘But if you can’t avoid having him in your group, then give him menial jobs that you call important, and don’t let him spend much time talking to the other group members.’ Bro’ I do not doubt that you understand the PAN quite well, but it seems you don’t understand the nature of a Survival Group. In a TEOTWAWKI — SHTF breakdown, your survival group must be firing WELL on all 8 cylinders. The group will likely be closely confined together in small quarters, with INTENSE personal interactions that cannot be avoided. There is NO room to have ANY toxic person in that group. The PAN must never be allowed to set foot on the Survival Group Property in the first place. He will destroy your group from within. It does not matter if he is your dearest sister’s husband. He must NOT become part of your Survival Group under any circumstance. His folly will kill you all.

    1. Goat Rancher,
       I agree 100%. Ideally, all measures should be taken well beforehand to prevent these types of individuals from joining your group in the first place . That is why my #1 recommendation was to “avoid them completely”.

       With that being said, there are two exceptions that come to mind. The first is where the individual simply cannot be excluded due to a relationship with a spouse. Father-in-law, mother-in-law, step children are just a few examples.

       The other exception is the trickiest. Most of these individuals are aware, to some degree, of their off-putting nature. In most cases, they keep this part of themselves well hidden, only showing glimpses of their disorder when self-restraint is tested beyond its limits: they MUST say something or their heads will explode syndrome. You may not even know this is the case until it is too late. In my particular case, the individual has gotten worse over the course of YEARS. What was once a tolerable annoyance, has developed to the point of being insufferable. That is reason I included a few “if they infiltrate” tips.
       Again, I agree. Avoid these people like the plague. Thank you for your input.

Comments are closed.