E-Mail 'How to Survive Your Survivor Obsessed Husband, by Abigail A.' To A Friend

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29 Comments

  1. Good article, however I always see things written about husband preppers trying to convince reluctant wives but what about when us wives are the preppers and our husbands are dubious at best???? 🙂

    2. From my experience, men are more susceptible to the doom and gloom aspects of survival, which can lead to obsessive (crazy) behavior so we hear about them more often. The romanticized notions of redemption, i.e. the fantasy of being “King of the Cul-de-Sac” perched atop mountains of precious metals and freeze-dried foods while fighting off the starving hordes, guns blazing in a post-Apocalyptic world, appeal more to men who struggle to achieve their preconceived image of success or financial stability. The thought of being able to say, “I told you so” to the naysayers or hearing “You were right honey, sorry I ever doubted you” from the wife are powerful motivators and why some pray for TEOTWAWKI. Some actually believe a SHTF situation will bring a reversal of fortune to their lives.

      I have met newbies in the world of prepping who could not tell you the interest rates on their stacks of credit cards, but they can quote the dollar amount of global derivative exposure and quote Rothschild bankers verbatim; that is what the purveyors of doom porn market to men. Rather than focusing on the more mundane steps such as getting out of debt and healthy lifestyle choices, they focus on the fringe (profitable) aspects of disaster planning. Women understand you must start with basic first aid; men want to jump right to brain surgery. The ones who profit from the hysteria of doom and fear know this very well.

      Excellent article!! Thank you for sharing.

      1. One man’s “obsessive (crazy) behavior” is another man’s saving actions. You don’t really hear a lot about people in history who saw the risks and opted out or moved to a safer country etc. I guess it isn’t as good a story as the holocaust victim or the person executed by the guillotine. But I agree a prepper is a little paranoid and obsessive UNTIL the disaster they are preparing for befalls us. Then he is a fricken genius and a savior.

        A true story: over 50 years ago I worked on air defense computers. One day the system went down. Normally I worked swings and mids when no big wigs were around but this day my boss was not only around but in the computer room when the system began what would be an endless series of rebooting active air defense which indicated that a critical component was not working. I went to the console and cleared it and looking at about 500 or so lights as the system tries to reboot I “thought” I could see what wasn’t working. So I wen out the the main computer floor grabbed the replacement unit and pulled the (hopefully) defective one and put in a good one. Walked back into the computer room and rebooted the active air defense computer and watched it boot up successfully. After it was running I went to the desk to write up the problem in the shift report and tag the defective unit. My boss came over to me and said “lucky that worked because if it had not and the active air computer was offline for more then two minutes I would have court-martialed you. The correct thing for me to have done was to knock the user off the standby computer and switch the standby computer to active and boot it up. What I didn’t tell him and he wouldn’t have accepted anyway is that is the way we fixed problems on the system 16 hours a day it was only during the day shift that we followed the rules “exactly”. And because we spent so much time working on the computers during swing and mid shift that we literally knew the system inside and out and could diagnose a problem in about 15 seconds and fix it in about 30 seconds leaving just enough time for an attempted reboot before we were forced to switch computers. In other words we could do it better, faster with less red tape and lost air time because we were essentially “preppers” always prepared to read the signs and make a sudden decision.

      2. Very much agreed. I view prepping like any other form of risk management. Take care of the higher probability stuff first then move on from there. Yes, get some disaster insurance (ie prepping) but make sure the rest of your ducks are in a row too.

    3. Colleen- Very much agreed. I view prepping like any other form of risk management. Take care of the higher probability stuff first then move on from there. Yes, get some disaster insurance (ie prepping) but make sure the rest of your ducks are in a row too.

    4. Colleen-so true. My own DH came on board (after about 3yrs) only when he was talking w/one of his co-workers who bought an AR for protection from what he knows is coming.

      Ladies, be patient with your DH. Sometimes it will take an outside man to finally bring him into accepting the prep.

      I don’t hear “aren’t you going overboard” near as much anymore 🙂

    5. What a thoughtful, well rounded article. for both husband and wife to absorb.
      I am a male, and much of what we prep for will and will not happen. We just don’t know which, pandemics, dirty bomb radiation exposure, civil disorders, infrastructure failures etc. Everyone must find balance in what they prep for, with reference to financial resources, what is your survival “portfolio” heavy or light “in”? where is your socio economic location, region of the Nation in which one resides etc etc. what are your short term and long term goals. What threats are low or high probabilities from your perspective ? What are your skill sets ?, your personal weakness or strengths asn those in your family. One of the more interesting texts I read pertains to Aircrew Survival pub for USAF air crews. The most interesting portions are for me, relate to consumption of nutrients it’s effect on morale..maintaining a routine as well as spiritual observance and the psychological experience. You got to remember this manual was prepared during the cold war, where X number of aircrews will have successfully landed crippled aircraft in war zones, after any number of possibilities may have occurred to include a nuclear exchange. The real benefit is considering such possibilities and constructing a plan in response, however imperfect. Any plan is better than pretending that nothing bad will ever happen. Considering the possibilities and taking appropriate measures as best as one’s ability will allow, prepares one to adopt a survival instinct, the will to prevail, which has proven to be the deciding factor in all of the challenges even the more likely and mundane ones that we face in our daily lives as well. Just some quick thoughts…Again Great article.

    6. Colleen,
      This was the case with my family. Just before y2k I began having the strong urge to be ready for something, but wasn’t sure what. I did make a few arrangements, without the support of my husband. I even asked for a generator for my anniversary/birthday/Christmas gift that year. He obliged, against his better judgement, since I rarely asked for anything or expected gifts for any occasion. Then on 9/11/01 when the twin towers collapsed, the urge became a blinding drive to be prepared in the event another terrorist attack were to hit near our region. I even made a grown man sick to his stomach when he boastfully claimed that there would never be a terrorist attack in our little corner of the map, because we were in the middle of no where. I pulled out a sheet of white paper, drew an X in the middle, and then proceeded to pin point approximately 6 military bases, a nuclear power plant, a nuclear sub base, and a major transportation hub for the entire US…all within a 100 mile radius from where we stood. To say he became aware of danger was an understatement, but he wasn’t my husband, he was someone else’s problem. My husband just wanted to not think about it, that was my job. So I quietly prepped for the unwanted, unthinkable, unlikely event that could change life as we know it. I shopped garage sales, thrift stores, and clearance sales. I learned to can and dehydrate food. I taught my children as much as I could of the things I had learned as a girl scout. And I dreamed of having farm land far from town. It wasn’t until my husbands good friend, who has now passed away, began to talk to him, about the same things I had been trying to get across, that he jumped on board, a little skeptical at first, but on board he became.
      My children grew up with the crazy mom who liked to sew, crochet, put up jars of meat, vegetables, and fruit. Who made each of them carry an emergency bag in their back pack in case they needed to get home if something happened while they were at school. I did volunteer work at their schools, so I was visible and present at one school or another on a daily basis, and I had the trust of the teachers and administrators, and knew the goings on in their schools.
      One of my daughters told me one day, “but, should I even have children? I mean, what if something does happen? They will miss out on so much that we got to do.” My answer, have children and teach them what they need to know. Don’t worry about what they might miss out on. If something does happen, they won’t miss what they’ve never had.
      We now have a large farm property about 30 miles from town, out in the middle of nowhere. It is surrounded, all but the driveway off the road, by a canal full of water, and there are alligators in the canal. We have 2 small ponds on the property, and my husband just bought a used excavator to did a large pond and finish stumping other areas so we can clear more land for pastures and crops. We have 14 hogs, 6 cows, 2 horses, a donkey, and a couple of dogs. For Christmas last year I asked for a chicken pen, which should be constructed after some of the dirt from the pond dig is used to raise the ground where the pen will be built. For the last few years when asked what I want for any occasion I give him my wish list. I’ve gotten a small fruit orchard, a few connex’s with shelves, and a couple of small storage buildings that I’ve designated as a cook shack, a library, and a clinic. The grand children love to come to the farm and ride ATVs, play in the mud, wade in the creeks, and move dirt with their tonka trucks. They love to ride on the tractors and bulldozer with papa, and when it rains they splash in the puddles before coming inside the camper to get a quick bath and a popsicle from grandma.
      It may take some time, but the spouses will come along when they’re given the chance to sort it all out and see where they fit and what they can contribute to the cause.
      And if nothing happens in our lifetime, which I’m hoping will be the case, then that 30 year shelf life of canned food will be a blessing to someone else and the memories we’ve made with our children and grand-children will be worth all the effort.

  2. Wonderful story, and thank you for writing it. I, the husband, went way too deep and it became an obsession and addiction. My spouse even said something about not living together if this kept up. I realized my problem, and scaled back to reality. I had to go back to my Faith and realize God was still there, and still in control. I am still prepping, but not crazy about it. My spouse still doesn’t believe in it, and thinks prepping is “not trusting God enough.” I showed her the Scriptural reference in love, and I think she has accepted it, for now. I think that one of the things that scared her was my discussion with people about setting up security around an area. I explained to her (in love and concern) how God allowed me to learn about securing a spot through the jobs and lessons in life, and to teach others these lessons. If we don’t do this in Godly Love, it won’t matter. Thank you again.

  4. Good article. One of the common mistakes preppers make is to overestimate the probability of occurrence of any particular disaster scenario. Could an EMP cripple our power grid? Sure. But we’ve lived 75 years with nuclear weapons and none have been used since 1945. How about a Carrington Event level Solar Flare/CME? We know one happened in 1859, and saw a near miss a year ago, but the closest thing I’ve seen to an analysis of probability was a Lloyds of London estimate about five years ago. They estimated a Carrington Event every 150 years.

    Pandemic? Sure. The Black Death killed off a significant percentage of the population. So it is theoretically possible. But its rare, one event in known history.

    So my recommendation is to maintain awareness of potential threats, and include countermeasures in your everyday life where practical, but don’t obsess over extremely low probability but catastrophic impact events like EMP, Solar Flares, Nuclear War or extinction level asteroid impacts.

    So just what does it mean to be aware and include countermeasures? Consider radioactive fallout when selecting a house, by including a basement in your shopping list. Plus books on fallout prediction and possibly a Geiger counter/fallout detector.

    A well and septic system will provide survival support in a number of Grid down scenarios. A garden as well. That gas grill with a couple extra bottles will provide a method to cook, purify water and also host cook-outs while waiting for the disaster.

    An antique truck or jeep is not only fun to drive, but provides a means of transportation post EMP. So does a bicycle.

    Recognition of the relative rarity of catastrophic disasters also helps reduce anxiety associated with prepping.

    1. Yep that’s exactly how we do it. And we try to focus on things that will work in multiple scenario’s. For example, putting an EMP resistant solar system in to power the pump will also protect us from the far more likely scenario of the grid being down from a winter storm.

  8. Awesome advice on an important issue not often discussed or recognized.

    A retired Navy commander was instrumental in helping me get started. I remember him saying a major challenge is the need to ‘live in both worlds”. Prepare yes, but don’t go overboard into the TEOTWAWKI world at the expense of enjoying this world today.

  9. Very good article. Thoughts that need to be shared. I went waaaaaaaaaaaay overboard in the 2005 to 2012 period, my wife just grinned and bore it, much to her credit.

  10. It is in our nature as primates; the roles we play in the family. The silverback sits at the top of knoll and watches over the mob of youngsters and females frollicking and eating and napping through the day. Occasionally he will engage with them, but always with one eye out for danger. The older females in the clan have learned to take their cues from him, and when danger is sensed, they follow his lead. If the leopard approaches, the silverback will be the one to stand ground between the threat and that which he holds most dear. Instinct drives him to this calling, and he must abide, or accept that he cannot be the silverback in the group. Not all can be a silverback, but those who can, must.

    For thousands of years mankind has functioned withing the bounds of our evolutionary/God generated roles. Occasionally we stray from these dictates, and always with grave consequences, always. Now will be no different.

  11. Thank you for this article. I think it will help both spouses communicate better and understand each other’s perspective more fully.

    It’s bittersweet for me, though. I woke up in 2008, a housewife with an infant and a toddler, just moved into our first house and realized that our family has zero chance if even a moderate problem popped up. We had plenty of money, but no supplies or training.

    I tried for over 3 years to open husbands eyes to even store a few weeks worth of water, much less extra cans of food and TP. I finally gave up, keeping the marriage “healthy” and my children’s father happy it’s more important. I just pray every day that nothing happens until the kids are grown and out so I can prep for myself at least.

  12. “Intense Fear and Anxiety”

    Fear and Anxiety are not of the LORD and your children don’t belong to you they belong to God. I’m glad that you have stopped listening to the devil.

    What if your preps are not for you? What if you don’t survive what is coming and a small band of Christians finds your preps? I like that thought, no? It can also make you a better prepper if you’re doing it for somebody else out of love.

    What if non Christians find them? Always keep a KJV Holy Bible and a hand written note with how to be saved with your preps. Now you’re prepping, with love.

  13. Excellent article, thank you. Fortunately my wife has been very supportive for years now. I had to reign in myself more than once in this journey, and I had to learn the hard way to talk to my wife. If she didn’t understand, or approve of my current notion at the time, we did find a way through discussion how to maybe accomplish the perceived task at the time. So … your advice is spot on.

  14. My wife of 25 years finally got on board with prepping, but it almost killed me to make it happen. I was seriously ill in 2017, and hospitalized for several month. My wife stuck by me, and visited me and supervised my medical care when I could not. I owe my life to her. She had to pick up the reins at home, both with the home and the children, and still hold down a full time job, and she always found time to be with me, even when I was comatose. During all that time, and through my rehabilitation, she started looking at my preps, and started putting them in better order than I had kept them. She saw that old handwriting on the wall, unaided by me. The thing I had been praying for, for years came about through G*ds’ intervention in this situation, not the way I saw it happening at all! And I’m glad of it. My wife showed her strength in a time of my weakness, and it was surpassing all I had prayed for. She has more than doubled our efforts and effectiveness as preppers, and given me strength to keep going. I’ve seen two kinds of women in this world. Those that are strong, and those that are not.

  16. “As reality shows popped up on television documenting the life of preppers, I was certain I didn’t want to be lumped in with that crowd.”

    I have never cared for the term prepper even before the reality shows came on and in some cases showed people more of what not to do then what to do.

    The prepper term has always reminded me of the snooty frat boy preppies with their little captains caps.
    Survivalist had a good sound 25 – 30 years ago but seems to have lost its way and scares some people.

    I was brought up with parents, relatives, parent’s friends who all lived through the Great Depression and then through WWII. Much of the talk when they were all together was always about how they got through those times, and so I grew up with a mentality of always making sure I had at least enough stored to get me through for 3 to 6 months minimum.
    The talk wasn’t about what you needed as much as it was about what you had and how you could use it to continue to get by.
    One of the main things to know was how to barter/trade, how to grow a garden to get you by, always making sure you had a fruit tree or more to help with food. Knowing how to can and preserve food was talked about a lot.
    Basically, it was what they had learned from their parents and grandparents about living without, and doing the best you could with what you had. In other words, much like the Pioneers who settled the West did, and they always got through droughts, floods, fires, stampedes, etc…maybe not the end of the world, but then their world didn’t have electricity, hi-tech, TV, running water, indoor plumbing, etc., etc…
    I am not saying we should go back to living like it was in the late 1800s, but they sure had a lot less to lose. It is food for thought.

  17. I went overboard in 2005-2006 with my preps.. I starved the household of everything that resembled a luxury, Paid off every debt we had and cash flowed all our preps. My wife was on board, but around 2007 when people were losing their homes, she started really freaking out. Our longtime neighbor came over one night crying her eyes out, saying her house was being forclosed on. We already lived in the Redoubt, But we wanted a second place deeper in the redoubt, so we started driving the Idaho backroads looking for somewhere we could retreat too if things really went sour. Looking back it was pretty extreme, but it sure makes for a great life now. My life and my marriage is stress free because of the sacrifices we made during that time. we sailed thru the housing crisis and the great recession. we have our home, and our retreat deep in the heart of Idaho, and carry no debt. I consider myself very lucky because my wife has always trusted my judgment, But I have to admit, If I didnt rely on my faith in Christ, and my humility with respect to listening to others and their wisdom, and taking advice from people who are a lot smarter than I am, she probably would have given me resistance.

  18. So. Here’s me. Disabled Retired Marine dating back to the end of the Cold War Era. Got waivers, then got disabled a second time in Law Enforcement. Now fully and permanently retired and barely fifty. Grew up on a farm, same as another, with the adults and their friends all being children of the Depression. OK, that’s all little more than common sense to my mind.

    Got a second wife of 26 years, who promised me a conservative woman with “Old fashioned values”. Yet if I even discreetly try to bring anything up, I get instant canned liberal, not to mention something eerily reminiscant of the militant feminist. I even get that thousand yard glare when I mention wanting to acquire a simple one speed bicycle so I can try to get some exercise, instead of sitting in the corner, weighing 300 pounds. She even went ballistic and forbade the mention of anything remotely resembling what gets discussed here to my children. All of whom, so far, have ended up turned into good little comrades by our so called public schools. For those counting, that would be three out of the four kids.

    I’ve tried every way I can conceive to impress the need for at least a full larder, if not the major preps I see written of here. At this point, I have just about enough to handle my own self and no more, and that only in full-on wilderness rucksack survival mode, in case we have to bolt for some reason. Due to the never ending resistance, it’s taken me well nigh fifteen years to get that much. Pretty rich seeing her see the newest injustices on the news, hearing her scream “They can’t DO that!”. Especially when it’s right back to “Big Bang Theory” the instant she finds the remote.

    I cannot condone the idea of waiting for something to happen that will finally turn the light on for her, and yet I am one of those males who was raised with and adhere to the idea that it is MY responsibility to see to it my household can get by when something does happen.

    How am I to deal with such a one? Any ideas? I’m afraid I’m out of those at this point…

    Semper Fi

    JLH

    1. JLH, Just do what you can do. Take up a new hobby and learn a new skill. Help her be aware of the travesty that is going on in Venezuela right now, the removal of freedoms become the beginning of survival of the fittest. Let her see the starving children and the grieving parents who can’t sooth their crying little ones as they put them to bed, hungry again. I like to watch Big Bang Theory, too, but it’s just a distraction and a little humor, which is also important. Just don’t give up. And thank you for your service!

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