(Continued from Part 1.)
Preparations for Daughters
The number one thing that a parent can do for their daughter who wants her to have a great life is to prepare her for marriage. The preparations necessary for a young woman for success in life are extremely different than the preparations for a son or grandson. The easiest way for a young woman to be successful in life is to enter into an excellent marriage. The number one problem is that most parents and grandparents are doing a poor job at preparing daughters and granddaughters for this role because they think it is just going to happen naturally or is to something where planning is not effective. I know how to grow crops and harvests do not randomly happen: they require preparation. If a young woman wants to enjoy an excellent marriage, it takes years of pre-planning. It does not happen overnight!
Historically, fathers would try to get their daughters married because an unmarried woman’s prospects were not usually good. Most young unmarried women without the benefit of a family resources in the form of an inheritance or dowry had a few very negative dead-end choices such as in domestic service. A lot of popular books during this time covered these various themes of marital success and how to achieve it. Unmarried women’s prospects on average are still not that good with a lower than average net worth with never married women often having up to one third less than single never-married men.
People have lost the idea that pre-planning is necessary when planning is the number one way historically to have success. This is a point which you must internalize for yourself because society is steering people in the wrong direction toward rocks instead of safe harbors. Excellence and success do not just happen, but are the result of planning.
Nowadays, we hear about “childless cat ladies,” but years ago the term was “spinsters” which originally was used to describe usually unmarried women who spun wool for a living and eventually became a term to reference an unmarried woman past her prime childbearing years. Of course, historical definitions of “prime” have varied greatly due to life expectancy, but not much has changed in natural female fecundity (ability of a female to reproduce) throughout history. For those who question the last sentence, the emphasis is on “natural” meaning that there are in the 21st Century various reproductive technologies, but most of these are expensive, not natural, and delay the inevitable rather than are some type of way to restore natural fertility.
My first experience hearing the word “spinster” was on a re-run of “The Beverly Hillbillies” which features Granny telling her granddaughter “Ellie May” (played by Donna Douglas who turned 30 the day the show premiered in 1962, but playing a much younger character) that in Mountain culture any woman over 14 is a spinster: “anything over that, and you’re slidin’ downhill.” I am not encouraging 14-year-olds to get married, but our society and culture would be better if 18-year-old young women were getting married and having children. An eighteen-year-old woman is at peak fertility and that fertility is maintained roughly into the mid 20s with declines in later 20s especially with higher potential for chromosomal issues, gestational diabetes potential, and higher potential for preeclampsia (high blood pressure and potential organ damage). These risks only increase in the 30s with female fertility at 35 dropping rapidly such that a pregnancy over 35 is considered “geriatric” (a term usually referencing the elderly).
Back during the last golden age of America in the 1950s, the average age of first marriage was approximately 20 for females and 22 for males. It has since climbed eight years today to an unfortunate historic high of 28 for women and 30 for men. It is not that men and women are somehow delaying without any consequences, but the consequences are building up societally and socially in the form of a cratering birthrate, numerous failed premarital relationships, disease, out-of-wedlock pregnancies, and a general destruction of morality and truth with mendacity (better known as lying) becoming a universal thread through these failed relationships.
As a parent or grandparent, you wonder how you can shield your daughter or granddaughter from these problems. The first would be to reject the “dating” culture. Dating often leads to more dating, not necessarily to marriage. I have interviewed people who have been dating for more than 40 years and still not married! The concept of “dating” is largely about endless comparisons and trying to find the perfect person. According to the Bible, none exist other than Christ. Men are not perfect and women are not perfect. Everyone who is reading this, including me, is a sinner in need of a Savior. A young woman is not a character in a storybook where she will find a “glass slipper” and meet a Prince.
It is ultimately your decision on what reading material is in your child’s life, but it can be argued that so many problems begin in the earliest stages such as what children’s books are read to them or that they read in their early years. If you examine the debate over the last decade concerning children’s reading materials and books in school libraries, you will begin to appreciate my point. Perhaps reading about “alternative” lifestyles and stories of kids not liking their gender are not effective ways to encourage traditional heterosexual marriages when they are adults. All of this reminds me of inviting foxes into a henhouse and expecting a tea party to result.
If you have decided to reject dating, you need to replace it with something. You cannot replace something with nothing. The logical alternative is the traditional concept of “courtship.” Back in the 1700s, courtship was the path for successful marriages to take place where families met other like-minded families and bonded over common interests. People were much more practical back then. Conversations that began with “you have a son, I have a daughter, let’s consider some possibilities between our families” formed many healthy marriages.
The traditional concept of courtship is different from what many have been practicing over the past few decades where for many people it has turned into a job “application” process where a young woman would think that she is sorting through candidates trying to find a husband to hire. I have heard some stories of where families find a compliant son-in-law from this process because they insulted a lot of strong people along the way and the ones who were willing to “apply” were the men with the lowest qualifications to the point where the father-in-law had to support the new family.
A young woman is not offering a job to the man. The man is hiring a young woman to fulfill the important and Biblical role of homemaker. I know this may sound crude to some, but it is historically realistic. More of this will be covered in the section for the preparations for sons to live well in the 21st Century. The young woman and her family are the ones who are applying into the man’s family.
Traditionally speaking, the young woman will take her husband’s family name, bear his children (which may include sons specifically which will carry his name on), and the man will be the one who is actively supporting the family through his resources. I have a collection of homemaking texts from the early to mid 20th Century. The information stands the test of time on the practical aspects of homemaking. In these texts, I have found several instances of girls doodling and practicing a future name that they would like such as Mrs. full name of a certain boy. Back then, it was standard for a woman to become and sign her name as: Mrs. Man’s Name using his titles or designations such as doctor or military rank.
It is very critical for a young woman to develop actual domestic skills. A young woman with a variety of homemaking skills will be in more demand than a young woman who can text, order food using a smartphone, or take pictures of food at a restaurant. Young women should be developing a resume and a portfolio of accomplishments in skills that are useful in being a homemaker with at the top of the list the ability to cook. Given the caustic influence of feminism, I realize that so many will be offended by this suggestion, but I am trying to guide people back to a better path where women and men can thrive rather than the current unsustainable path of stress and dysfunction.
The parents and grandparents need to be realistic in what they are looking for in a future spouse. It is acceptable to have a list of very basic qualifications that is Biblically-based. The problem is that women often sort based on trivial transitory characteristics such as appearance. Most of the “dating” apps today focus on one characteristic: appearance, which is compared through the mechanism of “swiping.” I have never participated in this, but I know people who spend many hours trying to find the perfect-looking individual without any concern if he or she has any other capabilities which will be necessary for the future. The situation is similar to purchasing a vehicle based on outward appearance without taking into account any factors such as horsepower, reliability, towing capacity, or fuel economy
Excessive concerns over appearance are fairly unrealistic as 95 percent of people fall within the average plus or minus 2 standard deviations. The idea that a random individual is exceptional in anything is very unrealistic. Many times I have been asked my thoughts on various abilities and skills of others. Most parents tend to overestimate their own and children’s capabilities and discount the capabilities of others. The concept of “Lake Wobegon Effect” where your children are above average in capabilities, intelligence, and achievement is alive and well in America. Not everyone can be above average. Unfortunately, this false appraisal affects your ability to make sound decisions about realistic possibilities for your children and throughout all levels of life including preparedness and the ability to respond to emergencies.
Beauty and Height
The idea that people think they are above average in appearance leads to unintended consequences throughout their future. It leads people to believe that they are eligible for opportunities that are far beyond their grasp. I have heard many times the idea that someone’s daughter is “drop dead gorgeous” or beautiful. I still have not died after looking at a young woman or called up a modeling agency to get her work. Most people are either average one way or another. It is a statistical fact. The Bible teaches “beauty is fleeting.” True, natural beauty is very rare and extremely transient — disappearing like dew as the morning sun awakens. The likelihood of anyone reading this having an actual regularly employed model in their family is very remote with approximately just several hundred actually working full-time and are mostly female. Modeling as a profession is not a growth area and will likely be ravaged by the growth of AI models as human models have flaws as they are human, but AI does not have this deficiency. It is critical not to lie to yourself or your daughter in terms of their looks. There is a beauty pageant winner in my family: Her beauty was only one small component along with being in the right place with most importantly the right attitude including her homemaking ability that allowed her to marry a doctor and have a successful life.
The growth of social media and the psychological health of young women is an area which is being researched. Social media allows people to see a phony curated world that most people assume is real. People can often internalize the differences between their normal lives to the curated lives of others: when comparisons are made to their actual life, it has been said to cause misery in some. More than 50 percent of young people want to be “influencers.” This is a very dangerous trend where there are very few opportunities and lessening as AI grows.
Previous generations made accomplishments, now so many young people live their lives vicariously through others and think they are eligible to marry someone way out of their league, so they spend time fruitlessly looking and turn down great opportunities for themselves. Unfortunately, for many young women there are many immoral men who will spend a few fleeting moments with a woman way below them in appearance, but just for the thrill of another “notch” or “conquest.” Young women often think a physical connection is a start of a path toward commitment, but it usually means absolutely nothing to him and often results in either disease or unintended pregnancy for her.
Overappraisal of a young woman’s looks often leads her to “looking for a look” turning down getting to know acceptable men because they were not a certain height or with a certain physical appearance. It is normal for a woman to look for a man who is taller than them, but not absolute requirement as I have known happily married couples where the wife was taller than the man. If a young woman is average height of 5 foot 3 point 5 inches, then it is very easy for her to marry someone her height or greater. A man on average is more than 5 inches taller than a woman with more than 95 percent of men taller than the average woman. Women who are searching and must have a man who is at least 6 foot 4 will likely find themselves very lonely as 99 percent of men are shorter than that. I have known much taller men, but increased height can statistically involve increased health problems.
The three variables which lead to the most problems for young women that they try to find are appearance including height, income, and intelligence (usually correlated with completing college, but not always). The chances of a young woman post-college in her mid twenties finding a tall single man with a high income are ridiculously remote. I have looked through various statistical data and according to some datasets I can model that approximately only 1 in a 1000 single men would match this criteria. Other variables have not even been controlled such as looks, morality, or any other potentially relevant factors to a young woman further decreasing the odds of success. A jaded, but most likely accurate synopsis is that young woman with such restrictive criteria would benefit by purchasing cat food by the case.
Education Levels
There is a very large and growing gap in terms of college educations between men and women. Before the Second World War, a college-educated individual was relatively rare composing about 5 percent or less of the population. Mostly men went to college and colleges for the most part did not enroll married men. This changed after the Second World War with the growth of the GI Bill which provided educational opportunities. As money potentially flowed in, colleges removed restrictive policies on married men. Among college students, about 60 percent are women with men more likely not to attend or to drop out.
About 3 million more women are currently enrolling in college than men and this figure has increased dramatically over the past few decades. If a woman is looking for a man who is college-educated, this growing gap makes it even more difficult. If she has not met a potential spouse in college, she may either have to move or reduce her list of wants in a spouse.
(To be continued tomorrow, in Part 3.)
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Editor’s Note: This young man is prayerfully seeking a wife. He is offering an after-marriage gift of up to $50,000 to whoever introduces him to his bride with $18,000 after their marriage and another $16,000 to the individual who provided the introduction after the first two births of healthy children born to him and his wife, for a total potential gift of $50,000. For further details, see this link to his article posted on July 13th, 2025: My Quest for a Wife: I’m Willing to Move [1], and in his February 24, 2026 article on rural migration [2] starting at the bold section on “Continuing My Quest For a Wife”